Reading again

Haven't posted in one week!

Life is boring. Really. To all my juniors who are possibly reading this and not doing your respective proposals, JC life is boring. Maybe it's me haha because I didn't join anything particularly exciting. NPCC exciting enough :D Okay got lah everybody very interesting, but life in general is quite boring. Maybe it's not that it's boring, but just that it's so routine. :( There's nothing new or exciting or interesting happening.

So there is nothing to update about! Sadly :( I was going to update about something random when I find the time, but as expected, I haven't found the time.

So anyway, recently I've gotten a lot of alone time, thankfully. I really enjoy spending time with myself. Nobody to interrupt your thoughts, and you can just think about everything under the world. Naturally I also enjoy the time I spend with others. But balance, keyword of the year, which I am not keeping to recently :(

I've realised I've left part of myself behind, and not in an exactly good way. All the things-that-had-no-direct-benefits that I enjoyed doing last time. Actually mainly reading and er arts and crafts haha. It's been many years since I've left behind my good reading habits. I rarely borrow books to read and I've forgotten how to enjoy reading. There was even a period of time a few years ago I found reading an absolute chore. Which is quite sad actually.

Anyway thanks to my more alone time and a more heck-care attitude with regards to homework (it's just being homework smart :D I am slowly figuring out JC working styles), I finally went to borrow a book again! Actually the RJ library is not very nice too. Yeah sure it's three levels and big and has nice air con but it doesn't have nice sofas and chairs and most importantly, books. But what did I expect in a JC library? Expectedly, it has a very limited fiction selection because nobody cares about storybooks in JC haha. But I just generally didn't like the look of most of the books on the shelf so I took 15 minutes of browsing before I even picked up one book. And it was too tiring, so I just borrowed that one book.

Hehe anyway it turned out to be quite a nice book! This is just for an update for the sake of an update. I feel uncomfortable not posting for so long heh.

Re-self-discovering

Anyway, er maybe to prevent too many people from worrying about me again... I shall righten myself here again!

Ya so anyway the simple story is maybe I actually lost my sense of purpose. I forgot the "why" for what I was doing. I no longer remembered the reason behind the actions I chose and the things I decided to do. Although it's not even June yet and I'm already going through another existentialist crisis. (Following is NPCC-related, no need to click read more if you don't care haha I know some of you can't be bothered)

Most people never listen

Course is starting soon! :D I haven't gotten my uniform altered :(

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Life is so boring! :( Okay but actually it isn't that boring, I realised, after I took some time to carefully pick apart the recent days and realised hey actually my class is actually quite interesting. Only that I haven't bothered to get to know the quiet people (oh come on, must I spend the effort to get to know quiet people -_-) but I am still not going to bother to! Ya and only that other things are comparatively so much more interesting that my class and school life becomes quite boring. The mundane-ness aside, everybody is pretty... dull. Okay actually I'm spending a long time trying to resolve with myself whether I have an interesting class or not haha.

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In other news!

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I thought my PI draft two was at 498 words so when I opened it again to work on draft three, I was distraught to realise that it was 505 words! Okay lah so actually I didn't care and just went to add more footnotes because footnotes not counted right! Then I realised the word count was still increasing! After two hours of distraught-ness, I finally realised Word was counting my footnotes too -_- That means when you highlight the superscripted number, it counts the entire wordcount of your footnote too! So when I finally realised and turned off that particular function that counts footnotes too, I was once again distraught, because my PI was now 398 words... 100 words is not a lot but you know your word count is an excellent gauge of your content that is to say, I had no content! 100 words is one fifth of my word count you know!!!

IPC ATC Injury List

IPC phase is over over over! Actually the whole thing was rather fun haha.

Anyway mandatory injury list after every camp at Ubin:

• 23 sandfly bites
  I don't know from where! They only made themselves known at home. Grrr I don't even know how it bit my big toe unless it was when I slept barefooted in the Noordin foyer! 
• Balukoo on my head!
  I was squatting down to take something then when I got up I think I accidentally bashed into dowel poles that somebody was carrying 
• Aching everywhere!
  The only explanation is 6 alphabets: IPC ATC. Yes everything!
• Injured right heel
  I think I bashed it on like some concrete corner during rafting. You know booties the sole very thin and I was just randomly running all around. I think I had a bad landing when I jumped and landing on the edge of the training shed. 

Okay that doesn't seem like a lot! Hooray! I think maybe my accident-prone-ness has decreased slightly!

I read part of it all the way through.

Today I went back to RGS to collect my O level cert (since I was at ACS so might as well right). Actually I should be there more often, but I can't anyway. When I stepped into RGS again after so long, there was this immense feeling of home surging back. The sort of homeliness and tackiness that doesn't exist in RI, overflowing in RGS, all the cheesy posters, RGS students doing fighting for their passions with wild abandon, the security guard who knows you! Or maybe not me. But things continue to change and there is no more Ms Christina in the general office and I don't know why the front desk looks so neat now and you don't even see half the familiar faces you used to see in your days.

Actually this will be a forever recurring topic, change and continuity, how you think you've moved on but you never really move on, yet when you don't really move on, the world still moves on without you too.

So then how has RI been treating me? Okay I guess. The syllabus is the product of a very steep learning curve, but I suddenly realised today that it's not something I was unfamiliar with, not something I was foreign to. Didn't I experience all this traction and inertia in my studies at the start of Sec 3? Some things don't really change, things like an overachieving school pushing its students beyond their limits time and again.

Today my econs tutor asked me why I was so sleepy today. Yesterday my physics lecturer asked me why I was so sleepy. I told both that I generally just feel sleepy when I cannot talk. :( Yes, it took me 16 years of my life to figure out why I cannot stop sleeping in class.

I feel a bit in limbo, trying to find my balance. When you're doing more than you are used to doing, yet it's still not enough. It has never been enough. Not even close.

okay this is the sian phase of the year already...